Why, Fang?
by Authoress in Progress
Summary: Max relives the letter Fang left, relives the memories. Its all too much. How will she end this ongoing pain?  Rated T for mentioning suicide HIATUS
1. Memories

It was the worst pain I've ever felt. It hurt more then getting kicked by an Eraser. This really hurt, and instead of a bloody gash, this is a broken heart. When Fang left me…the pain was unbearable. I couldn't help but remember all of his wise-cracking jokes. I miss his smile, I miss his voice, I miss feeling his body next to mine, and I miss pretty much everything else about him. To be honest with you, I haven't cried this hard since Angel was taken from me a while back. This hurt, a lot. My vision was blurred by tears, not that I wanted to see anything. The sunlight was shining in through my window, lighting up my room. What does it matter? Its just stupid sunlight.

I wanted the sun to just go away, stop lighting the world. There is no world without Fang. I still remember the last thing he said to me, the note he left…the way he looked all neat and tidy in his suit. I dug through my pockets and unfolded the note.

It read:

_ Dear Max -_

_ You looked so beautiful today. I'm going to remember what you looked like forever. And I hope you remember me the same way - clean, ha-ha. I'm glad our last time together was happy._

_ But I'm leaving tonight, leaving the flock, and this time its for good. I don't know if I'll ever see any of you again. The thing is, Max, that everyone is a little right. Added up together, it makes this one big right._

_ Dylan's a little bit right about how my being here might be putting the rest of you in danger. The threat might have been just about Dr. Hans, but we don't know that for sure. Angel is a little bit right about how splitting up the flock will help all of us survive. And the rest of the flock is a little bit right about how when you and I are together, we're focused on each other - we can't help it._

_ The thing is, Maximum, I love you. I can't help but be focused on you when we're together. If your in the room, I want to be next to you. If your gone, I think about you. You're the one I want to talk to. In a fight, I want you at my back. When we're together, the sun is shining. When we're apart, everything is in shades of gray._

_ I hope you'll forgive me someday for turning our worlds into shades of gray - at least for a while._

By now, I started sobbing harder. Just reading this once again broke my heart even more. Fang…oh Fang, why did you leave me? Why! Don't you know I can't live without you? You were my best friend! You were my boyfriend! You were my first love! When I kissed you, I felt like I could fly. When you touched me, I thought I was in heaven. Why did you leave me? The flock wasn't right! Dylan wasn't right! Angel was not right!

Why, Fang?

_You're not at your best when your focused on me. I mean, you're at your best Maxness, but not at your best leaderness. I mostly need Maxness. The flock mostly needs leaderness. And Angel, if you're listening to this, it ain't you, sweetie. Not yet._

The flock did need my leadership, but… I needed Fang. I know, I sound like a baby, like a child crying out for her blanket, but I need Fang more then I need air. I dried my eyes on my sleeves, but only ended up crying harder.

I had to, I folded up the note and stuffed it in my pocket again. I couldn't read anymore. I just couldn't. I'd die more inside if I did. I couldn't hold this in any longer, I screamed and punched right through the wall. My world was shades of gray, the sunlight that once felt good on my wings, only stung and burned.

I missed Fang's scent, which wasn't shampoo, like Dylan's, but it was a mix of dirt, sweat, and leather. To me, it was the scent of happiness. I laid back down, burring my face in my pillow, soaking it with tears. After what seemed like forever, I got up. I've been locked in my room for two days, and I was about to emerge. Only for a moment. I needed a shower.

I ran into the bathroom, turning the shower on. I needed a hot shower. Maybe the water would help wash away the pain. I jumped in after stripping down, letting the water mingle with my tears. Fang's word echoed through me. Images of his spiky handwriting flashed through my mind. I could still feel him next to me at night, but when I turned to see if he was there, I only saw darkness…

Finally, I stepped out of the shower. You know, I could go on without him. Maybe he'll die, he deserves it for leaving me and only leaving me a stinking letter! I wanted to roadhouse him until he begged for mercy. I wanted to punch him until he cried. I wanted to beat the crap out of him, but if he looked me in the eye, I'd melt. Why does he have to be so….attractive?

I wrapped myself in a towel, then fled into my bedroom. I grabbed Fang and I's laptop, and logged onto the Internet. Whats this? The homepage was Fan'g blog, and he hasn't updated it in forever. You know how I said I locked myself in my room two days ago? Thats went Angel brought up Fang, a month after he left, and I had a breakdown. I haven't left this room since. Anyway, avoiding my ADD, lets get to the blog. _He updated it_.

I read his post. He was explaining his heartbreak…oh my gosh, he missed me! His location was 'I'm not telling Colorado'. Hope flooded through me. Was he coming back? Was he going to rejoin the flock? I kept reading. The post read "My heart hurts. Bad. I left the flock, I'm on my own. The hardest part? I'm away from Max. The love of my life. And even the people who recognize me don't give me any hope. I'm sorry, you guys. I'm not able to do this. I'm doing this for the flock, I have to remind myself that everyday. But, what gets to my head is Max. Her voice, her lips, her eyes, her hair, her clothes, her scent…everything about her. I think I might end it all tonight.

Fly on,

Fang" It was updated just an hour ago.

Wait, wait, was he going to end it as in suicide? No! He can't kill himself! Where is he? Where is my boyfriend?

I ran out of my room, shoving Iggy out of the way as I made my way to the sliding glass door.

"Hey, watch it, Max!" Iggy yelled.

I felt moor tears stinging in the back of my eyes. I'm not letting Fang kill himself. I can't let him!

"Max!" Nudge said, stopping me. "Whats going on?"

"Fang, he's going to kill himself." I told her, panicked.

Nudge had a look of horror on her face. "How do you know?"

"His blog. He posted on his blog that he was going to 'end it all tonight'."

I let my tears fall. I ran to the door, and swung it open. Where is he? Colorado, of course, but…where? I unfolded my wings, stretching them out. Then, I leaped. My wings caught me, and I flew upwards, ready to search all over the state of Colorado to find him. I flew for hours and hours and hours, never finding him. By the way the sun was positioned, it was about five o' clock. Its almost too late. I pushed my wings harder, trying to cover more ground.

I remembered his he used to rub my back, and then my wings. I shut my eyes, lost in the memory, and I could almost feel his hands massaging my back. I remembered how we tried going to a school once, a real school, not the School. Iggy had is finger through Fang's belt loop, getting led through a crowd of students. I remembered how he and I broke into that skiing house when looking for Angel. I remembered when he died.

I remembered our first kiss.

My wings seized to work, and I started free-falling out of the sky. Maybe I finally hit my warranty? Or maybe I just couldn't do this anymore. As I fell, not even bothering to scream, I saw a black figure in the sky, soaring under the sun. I was forced to turn away from the shadowy figure, and within a few seconds, I felt strong arms around me, and I blacked out.

I opened my eyes, and I was back in my bedroom. The night had come, and it reminded me of when Fang and I would talk, or just sleep together. I wanted to fly to the cliffs with the hawks, wait for Fang. Even if I had to wait twenty years, I'd wait.

I looked at my window, and saw a shadow block the moonlight. I sat up in bed, ready for an Eraser or M-Geek or something to come out and try killing me. The figure stepped into the room, and my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

It can't be…it can't. How…?

Fang sat next to me on the bed.

"Fang…how did you-? I thought you were going to kill yourself." I said, flabbergasted.

"I said I would end it all. I'm ending my pain, starting right now." He said quietly, then leaned in and kissed my lips.

**Yay! I thought I could end it like that! So, that was my Fax one-shot. I was thinking that I should post an other story onto FF, so I thought about how I wanted Fang to come back, and how I loved him, so, I wrote this.**

**Max, Iggy, Nudge, and Fang were probably out of character, but, I tried! I'm not very good with staying in character, so….yeah. **

**Thank you for reading. :)**

**XOXOXOXOXO ~ AIP (it sounds like 'ape'!)**


	2. I hate you

**Hm. Didn't think I'd be writing more of this. Aw well, I guess I could. Sorry, I was meaning to write this a couple days ago, but I have been working all week, and Sunday was my only break. :) Well, ENJOY!**

When our lips met, it was like every worry, everything I've cried over, every horrible thing, every scream I've let out…vanished. It was warm and soft. Well, his lips were chapped, but I don't care. I had only one repeating thought: _Breath through your nose, breath through your nose, breath through your nose_. I inhaled, and breathed in his scent. He smelled like dirt, and, well, Fang. The leather from his jacket and dirt mixed together was Fang. My wonderful Fang. I felt his arms slowly wrap around my waist, and I lightly touched his cheek, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He pulled back after who knows how long?

"Max-" He began. I don't care if I haven't heard his voice in forever. My happiness now melted into anger.

"Don't 'Max' me, Fang!" I snapped. "Do you know how many times I cried! How many times I've worried? How many times I have screamed? No, you don't! Because of you, I haven't eaten in days! You don't know what thats like, Fang! I've closed out my flock! You made me forget everything; two days ago, if an Eraser came up and started pounding on Angel, I'd just sit here in wallow! You have no idea what you put me through! And then you scare me! You made me believe you were going to kill yourself. Why? Why is that! You left a note! A _note!_ No heartfelt 'goodbye'? Nothing? You left me here, believing my life was over because I wasn't with you! You don't know what you put me through!" I punched his stomach. Okay, ow. He'd tensed, so I didn't punch squishy stomach, but his rock-hard abs.

"Max, listen to-"

"Why would I listen to you? You didn't tell me anything!" I yelled loudly. "You left me here, Fang. You left me."

"I left you, yes, I know that!" He finally raised his voice. I hated it when he did, but I also loved it. Wait, no Max, you don't love it. Your hating him right now.

I clenched my fists. The anger was building. He left me alone. I loved him, he loved me. He shouldn't have left me, believing Dylan was right. He was _not_. Nobody was right at all. I hated this. I don't care if his kiss melted away every worry; _he_ worried _me_. Why, Fang?

"Fang, if it wasn't for you leaving, I wouldn't have closed out the Flock. I wouldn't have cried. You just _had_-"

"Maximum Ride, can you ever stop thinking about yourself!" He yelled. "Can you stop thinking that everywhere you go, _your_ the victim? Can you stop, and maybe, for once, think about anybody else but _yourself_?" He snapped.

He never says much. At all. And knowing that he is on a rant and its about me, is unbearable. "Can you ever stop trying to believe that you need to be quiet? Maybe sometimes he need an opinion from your side? Not just a nod, or just a 'whatever'."

"Do you hear a word I'm saying? This has _nothing_ to do about what I'm saying!"

"Okay, then why don't you go on? WHy don't you continue going on about how much I think about myself? Have you ever thought that _I_ was the one who thought about going out and saving Angel?"

"You didn't-"

"I did! I was the one who tried so hard to protect all of you! I was the one who _saved your life_! I was the one who did everything! I'm the reason why everybody is still alive!"

He leaned in close to my face. "What about everything I did? What about every last thing that the other flock members have done? Does that mean nothing to you?"

"It means everything to me!"

"Then why are you trying to make me believe that it was you that has done everything?"

"I'm not!"

Everything going on…it just kills me. Fang and I are fighting like a married couple, and I just got him back. But I couldn't stop the flow of words from coming out of my mouth. My words of hate.

"Listen," I said, sounding much more cruel. "If I knew you'd be acting this way, then maybe I should have left you when you were laying dead on that bed?"

There was a long silence. None of us every wished each other dead. Maybe when we were teasing, but we would never mean it.

"I hate you." Fang's voice was full of what he just said: hate.

Without an other word, he stood, backing up so he wouldn't break his glare. Then, he leaped out of the window.

Did I just loose him again?

**Yay! Were you expecting that, or where you expecting something mushy? Well, I think they were in character. If not, oh well! :) I work better with my OCs then with real characters.**

**I tried so hard to get a good fight going. I know this chapter is short and lacking descriptions, unlike the last chapter, but guess what?**

**I'm. Going. Bonkers! ^-^" e.o Totally bonkers. To the point of, this isn't funny. When I go bonkers, that means I've been put under so much stress that I'm on the verge of exploding. Both stress from my theater work, my vocal lessons (I haven't even began, but those will take up my Saturdays!), trying to sign up for acting camp, school, and working on my friends and family and my writing and everything else in there…and this time of season…eh, emotional stress.**

**WOO!**

**Isn't this fun? Well, since you all don't' care and want to move on with your lives, I'll end this. :) If you would please, please tell your friends about this, and PLEASE review, I'd love it. You can even review if you don't have an account! Just press that silly little button below, and you'll be on your merry way. :) **

**XOXOXOXO ~ AIP (it sounds like 'ape'!)**


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